coming down the mountain

23/03/2014

Today I walked on one of the high mountain paths hereabouts, at times on steep snow slopes. With only open sandals on my otherwise bare feet, it was a challenging walk. Coming back down the mountain, once the snow was behind me, I could feel my whole body relax. With that relaxation, I became like a child, playfully hopping from rock to rock, happy to be alive.

It feels good to challenge oneself, occasionally. But it feels even better to relax after the challenge, to return to a state of ease.

Coming down the mountain also reminded me of the Zen ox herding pictures. After the real work of the spiritual quest is over, after the ox has been tracked and tamed, one can simply return to the ordinary world. Even then, though, there are infinite mysteries to explore in life.

such beauty, such life

22/03/2014

It has been a beautiful day.

As the sun was sinking low on the horizon, I gazed upwards, at the snow-covered mountain top. There was a mystical silence in the air, despite the songs of the birds and the occasional human voice drifting up the valley. This stillness was alive, pregnant with life itself.

I feel blessed. To be able to walk the timeless trails hereabouts – through the woods, with dappled light adding enchantment to the wonders of nature – is such a gift. It is the gift of beauty. It is the gift of life. It is the gift of suchness.

Thank you existence!

does the dust ever end?

21/03/2014

I had acquired some old hessian sacks for us to sit on in the garden. This morning I was shaking the dust out of them, preparing for satsang, and the dust seemed to be never-ending. It reminded me of the Buddhist analogy of the mind as a dusty mirror. With meditation, we aim to wipe the dust off the mirror, so that the mind can reflect reality without distortion. I only hope that our minds are less dusty than those old sacks!

when the buddha comes to tickle

19/03/2014

I awoke early this morning. It was night outside, yet a bright moon, barely beginning to wane, was shining in a clear sky and the mountain ridges stood silent and still, unwavering, all around. The mood of the weather had changed completely from the storms of the day before. The festival days had passed and the riotous holiday makers had returned to the distant city. Stillness and silence had returned to this place.

Then it started: something began to tickle me from inside. It was subtle to start with, at first evoking a mere hint of a smile. But it was gently persistent. A little twitch in my belly. And then like a dam bursting the twitch turned into uncontrollable convulsions. It was a silent laugh, resonating with the deep silence of the moment. Yet resonate it did, a belly laugh the like of which I have not felt for months, going on and on in waves until the sky lightened with the coming dawn.

Now that the sun has risen and the birds are singing in tune with a glorious day, I know that something has healed in me. I don’t know what. I don’t need to know. The great sadness that has been in me for five months or more is no longer there. And that is the magic of life, the alchemy that can turn sadness into laughter and joy.

a sleepless night for a beta male

12/03/2014

We sometimes come across the phrase ‘alpha male’ but have you ever wondered how things are for all the beta males, the ones who didn’t quite make it into the alpha position? Well, this one is spending a sleepless night listening to the sound of the waves breaking on the shore, here in Goa.

I had been spending days gently wooing an ex-lover, content enough as we got to know each other again at a relaxed pace. When I met her yesterday her energy had changed: she was ovulating and with that she was radiant, feeling positive about life. She was sexily dressed and thoroughly in her femininity. I was overjoyed, thinking our time had come and that my patience had paid off. Then, after a flirtatious lunch, she declared that one of her other lovers was coming to visit. I felt my joy turn to sadness and then that familiar pain in the heart...

And so it transpired. Alpha male rode into town on his motorbike. They spent the afternoon making love. He rode out.

I met her again in the evening. She was relaxed and happy. She talked about being open to spending the night with me, that maybe she would even want to make love with me as well. But it was not to be. I could see that she was thoroughly sated. A beta male with an aching heart was not going to do anything for her.

Lying here alone I realise that with regard to sex, as with enlightenment, a near-miss counts for nothing.

Time to dig out the meditation stool and enjoy the sound of those waves!

are you looking inside or outside?

23/02/2014

I had just paid for my food in the self-service café. Before going out to one of the tables in the courtyard, I looked around for cutlery. Seeing none, I asked the man at the till where it might be found. He replied, “It’s outside, you’ve been looking for it inside!” I laughed.

Usually, we make the opposite mistake. We look on the outside for things which are only to be found on the inside. In particular, we look for sources of happiness outside of ourselves. We expect relationships, jobs, governments and innumerable other things to make us happy. But the source of our happiness, or unhappiness, is on the inside. We have been looking in the wrong place!