I remember the first time I felt like an adult. I was with a girlfriend in Paris. The relationship between us was well established and healthy. In that moment in Paris, we were in a hotel room and I was looking over her shoulder into the bathroom mirror. Seeing us together, naked, this feeling of adult maturity came over me. It was very clear because it was in stark contrast to the adolescent feeling I had had as long as I could remember. I was 35 years old. And perhaps the most amazing thing was that I hadn’t previously realised how immature I felt. (Thank you Svenja, for helping me to grow up!)
The feeling of maturity didn’t last, and I slipped back to being twenty-something, on the inside. At least I didn’t return all the way to the teenage level I had been stuck in.
I am writing this now because something similar happened just the other day. It was after love making (with the lover whom I mentioned last month). The sex had been strong, with waves of energy releasing some ancient constrictions, stuck energy being liberated, the miracle of spontaneous tantra. Afterwards we were flopped once more in that state of post coital softness. And then came the feeling of maturity. I can’t find other words to describe it, something to do with an absence of self-doubt, or an absence of feeling inferior. Whatever it is, it felt great, and I can still feel it now, a few days later. I wonder if it will last!
