Does this happen to you, or is it only me? When I acquire a new material possession, for a few weeks it has the status of a “new toy”. During this period, I am overly possessive towards the object. It doesn’t much matter whether it is something large and expensive, a new car say, or something small and cheap, like the blue bowl in the picture.
I bought the blue bowl about eighteen months ago, prior to going walkabout in Italy and Greece in 2009. For three months or so, I was walking and, for the most part, sleeping out in my little bivouac tent. I used the blue bowl for dipping bread in olive oil, my staple diet during the period. I noticed that I had an attachment to the bowl. If, for a moment, I couldn’t find the bowl, I was worried that I might have lost it.
After some weeks though, this sort of attachment seems to wear off, and I am relaxed about the possibility of being without the object. I could easily give it away or even throw it away if it becomes a burden. The possibility of losing the object is no longer of any concern. It no more has the feeling of a new toy.
There is a third stage which can come in relationship to an object, though. This does not always happen, only with some things: After some time, usually at least a year, a different sort of attachment begins to come into being. This is the feeling of an “old friend”. This is a warmer, softer, deeper attachment than the “new toy” feeling.
Drinking chai from the blue bowl, here on the beach, I realise it is so with the bowl. I have shared enough adventures with it, in enough exotic locations, that it has become an old friend. I would be sad to lose the bowl. I could give it away but in doing so, I would be giving a treasured item to someone who I feel would appreciate it.
Perhaps you laugh at my attachment, to a cheap, mass produced blue bowl. Is it only me? Or does this sort of thing happen to you, too?
It is laughable enough that these stages of attachment can happen with material things. Rather sadder, though, is that I sometimes notice similar stages with friends, particularly with lovers. When an intimacy begins with someone new in my life, there is a honeymoon period. During this time, I am overly possessive, wanting to spend much time alone with the person, wanting them for myself, rather jealous if they are sharing their energy with others.
After a few weeks, this type of attachment fades away, leaving a more indifferent attitude. Typically there is a feeling of fondness towards the person, yet the possessive aspect has evaporated. I am not bothered by the possibility of the friend disappearing from my life. I am not touched if they are sharing their energy with others.
As with the material things, a third stage of relating can come, not with everyone, only with some. Having known someone, off and on, for a longer period, perhaps a year or a couple of years or more, the feeling of an old friend can gradually come into being. As with objects, this attachment feels softer, warmer, deeper and more healthy than the honeymoon period. It is not possessive in the same way. If the friend is sharing energy with another, I feel joy for them. If it seems I am not to meet them again, I feel some sadness, yet also a joy that their life is unfolding in a new direction.
Does this happen to you, or is it only me?
