desire and fear

Desire and fear are one energy
and whilst we are living our life from that energy, suffering is inevitable

We cannot be fully relaxed whilst we are living from that energy of desiring and fearing. These two feelings of desire and fear arise together, although we may only be aware of one of them in the moment. When we desire something, there is somewhere in the background a fear that we will not get that thing. Similarly, when we are fearing something, we are also desiring its absence. We want it not to be there in our life. So both desire and fear are really a form of wanting, wanting something to come to us, or wanting something to be away from us. We are pulling things towards us with desire and pushing them away with fear. Even when a desire is fulfilled and we have a moment of relaxation, in time that will pass and we will once more be back in the desiring and fearing mind. 

Of course there are innate, physical desires. When I am thirsty I desire to drink water, it’s natural and healthy, but so much of our psychology has moved far, far away from what is healthy. These instinctive behaviours and feelings have been exaggerated and taken into realms where they have no place.

With desire and fear, not only is the desire for something also the fear of not having it, but if you look really closely, you will see that often when you desire something, another part of your mind desires not to have it. Our mind becomes fragmented through these desires. For example a part of me might suddenly crave to eat chocolate, and another part of me will be saying ‘no, it’s bad, I don’t want to eat chocolate’. In such a situation I am doomed to suffer. If I eat the chocolate I will feel guilty, bad, I shouldn’t have done it, and if I don’t eat the chocolate, that craving will still be within me, feeling frustrated. Most desires actually arise in this way: the desire for something and the desire against it. They arise together. Then there’s a struggle in the mind, a conflict, and however that’s resolved, we still suffer. The only way to be rid of this suffering is not to put energy into these desires in the first place, neither desire for something, nor desire against it. Of course that’s easier said than done, but until then, these machinations of our desiring and fearful mind will cause so much trouble. Eating chocolate is a simple example but if you look carefully you will probably see that the same effect is happening in all areas of your life. For example, in a relationship there can often be a desire to be in that relationship, to be with that person, and also a desire to be on the other side of the planet, far, far away from that person, not in that relationship at all.

Whilst we are split in these ways, nothing will feel quite healthy. We will be in a subtle torment day after day. We need to become integrated and total. When we are doing something, we are doing it with all of our being, without any reserve, without half wanting to not be involved. That totality can only come when the mind becomes integrated, no longer fragmented, but that can only happen when we move away from this desire and fear – not individual desires but the whole approach to life. Whilst we are coming from that desiring mind and fearful mind, we will suffer.

Another aspect of this desire and fear is that it is always pertaining to the future. So the simplest way to remove that energy, as the driving force in our life, the simplest way is just to remain in the present moment, right now, with whatever is happening. Desire cannot pertain to the present moment, nor can fear. If we can really stay present, then that energy of the mind that is desiring and fearful begins to dwindle away. It is no longer being nourished, no longer being fed. By this means, we can become more and more integrated, more and more present, no longer desiring, no longer fearful, just being. In that being in the moment, life becomes joyful, a bliss, a benediction.