can we live life intimately?

Can we live life intimately?

Intimacy is something we usually associate with personal relationships, especially sexual relationships, or perhaps close friendships. But here I'm wondering if we can live the whole of life with the same feeling of intimacy that can come in relationship. For me it's really the key part of a personal relationship. It's the aspect that I most celebrate in relating to someone.

If a sexual relationship doesn't have this feeling of intimacy, then there's definitely something missing. It can still be pleasurable, of course, especially in a physical sense, but without intimacy it feels rather like a business contract, some sort of transaction going on. The feeling of intimacy really brings deep warmth, an emotional feeling of really melting into one another, understanding one another. And the key to it really is being open to one another, and what do I mean by that openness. It means not being defensive in an egoistic way, not trying to assert oneself over the other, not trying to dominate; rather being receptive, curious and interested in who they actually are, without trying to impose what we want them to be; and also showing ourself as we actually are to the other. And when two people are prepared to be opened in this way with each other, then the feeling of intimacy follows naturally.

How then can we live life intimately? Can we live each moment intimately, not just with people but with whatever is around us? I believe we can. And for me, this is the key to appreciating life, to really feeling life. And to do this, we need merely approach each moment in the same way as we approach our beloved in an intimate relationship: with that sense of receptivity, with curiosity as to what is around us, without the need to impose what we want to be. We need to put our ideas about life aside and really see it as it is, in the moment.

For example, at the moment I'm sitting on a rock. Now I can do that in a way that is not intimate without much awareness, I could just plunk myself down on the rock and not pay much attention to it, not bring any awareness to my interaction with the rock. Then there would be no feeling of intimacy, but I can also interact with this rock in an intimate way, if I take a moment to really see it as it is, to see its form, to see the lichen growing on it, the colours, the greys and greens and browns, and to feel it, to feel its hardness, feel where my body is pressing against it; just bringing awareness, non-judgmental awareness to the sensing of this rock, the feeling of intimacy arises. And it is so beautiful, so nourishing. Immediately a gratitude comes, a joy at the existence of the rock, quite apart from my experience of it, just in its own sake this is a beautiful rock. I'm so happy it's here in existence.

Of course I'm not suggesting that the rock is feeling me and sensing me consciously. Maybe it is I would not know. But my attitude is one of being open to the rock. That is, being here in a simple way without pretence, without needing to prove something, without needing to convince the rock of something. And so you see in a way it's easier to bring about this feeling of intimacy with things that are not people. With people, both the persons need to be open for intimacy to arise. But when one is in nature relating to plants, animals, the landscape, none of these natural things are going to be egoistic. Of course, animals might be defensive; even plants, you could say, there is a very thorny bush in front of me. The thorns are there for defence. But that sort of defence doesn't preclude intimacy. That sort of defence is a very immediate physical defence, just as we have a skin that keeps bacteria and bugs out. That doesn't preclude intimacy.

The thing that stops intimacy is our ego, when we are putting our own idea of ourself and our ideas about the world, above the other, above what actually is in the moment. This is where we go wrong. This is where we block intimacy. And without intimacy, even these moments in nature have something missing.

It's in the intimacy that we really touch the other, be it a person, a rock, a tree. It is where we really touch life. And really what it takes is this humility to put aside one's beliefs and ideas about life, one's need to prove something about one's self. Put all that aside and intimacy can come very naturally, just with some curiosity, some presence, some awareness of what is around us. 

It's so important. For me, this sense of intimacy is love. I feel it safer to use the word intimacy, for the word "love" has been so used and abused that it has become almost meaningless. Still, I say this intimacy is love. So can we live life in love? Can we live life intimately?