try making more eye contact

In societies which have been heavily influenced by Christianity, eye contact is usually rather limited. And there is a reason for this. If we allow someone to really look at us, to really look us in the eye, it feels as if they can read our deepest, darkest secrets. So whilst we have some feeling that there is something bad in ourself, then of course, it feels as if we have a secret that we don't want other people to see: our shadow side, our dark side, our wickedness.

And unfortunately, the Christian influence, particularly in earlier centuries, has tended to make us feel very guilty about parts of our being, in particular our sexuality. It is rather strange. God – if you believe in such a thing – has given us these sexual bodies and sexual urges. And Christianity has taught us that it is sinful to act on these sexual urges, to enjoy sensual pleasures. And so deep down, we all feel rather guilty about our sex. And that guilt becomes a dark secret, buried in our unconscious. And because of that secret, we feel we have to hide ourself and not really be seen by other people. We put on masks. We take on roles. We pretend to be things that we are not. All to hide that dark secret, that feeling deep down that I am a bad person.

With proper eye contact, it feels there is nowhere to hide. It feels that we are being seen by the other. And so it can be very challenging to maintain eye contact. And of course, it takes two, two people willing to enter that space: that space which feels like a deep union.

But there are great benefits that come with this eye contact. One is that it tends to bypass the thinking mind. If you are really looking at somebody in this way, looking deeply into their eyes, the energy is taken away from the thinking mind and into a deeper space of our being, more primitive, more existential. So it is a meditation. It can break through thoughts and touch deeper spaces within us.

And with such eye contact, there is an energetic connection between the two people, a connection that is beyond words, a communion. And on the spiritual path, this sort of communion is of significance. It allows a certain sharing and resonance of parts of our being which are not accessible to the thinking mind, which are not to be put into words. This sort of sharing allows us to grow and change in deep ways.

But perhaps the greatest benefit of deep eye contact is that we can overcome this fear of our shadow being seen. This feeling of sinfulness has no foundation. There is nothing bad in us. There is nothing wrong in us. And if we allow ourselves to be seen, if we have the courage to expose ourself fully to another human being, then that deep, usually unconscious feeling – of being wrong, bad, sinful – will not be able to survive.

It is like shining a bright light into the darkest corners of a room and seeing that there is nothing there. We are clean. But somehow we have come to feel ourselves to be dirty. With eye contact, our innocence can be felt once more, by ourself, without anything else needing to be changed.

If you can try this – making more eye contact – there is something else you will experience. And that is love: love for the person whose eyes you are looking into. It doesn't matter whether it's someone you know or a total stranger. It doesn't matter whether it's an old person or young, the same sex or the opposite sex. Because the eye contact sees through the masks, sees to our innermost being, it is intimate, and authentic. And in that space, love flows easily; not a sexual love, but just love.

And this also can be difficult for some people to bear: an overflowing of unconditional love; to receive it from another, or to feel it flowing in oneself. But it is a beautiful happening, to be enjoyed, appreciated, allowed.

So try this simple thing of making more eye contact. Of course, many others will avert their gaze. For many people, it is too much of a challenge. But every now and again, you will find somebody who can meet you in this space, this sacred space of eye contact. And such a meeting needs no other expression at all. It is a perfect union in itself, as intimate as any sexual act but without any possessiveness.

So try it: try making more eye contact.