this measuring ourselves all the time

The "more" plays an extraordinarily important part in our lives; this measuring ourselves all the time against something or someone is one of the primary causes of conflict.

In one of the earlier episodes in this series commenting on quotes by Krishnamurti, I talked about how our psychology can often have an aspect which wants more of things: more money, more sex, more prestige, a bigger house, a faster car. This yearning for ever greater material wealth, is quite common in us human beings. And here, Krishnamurti picks up again on this topic of more. We want more.

But in this quote, he's focussing on how we measure ourselves against some ideal, some standard, or against other people. And he says this is one of the primary courses of conflict. And it's true – most of us do, consciously or unconsciously, compare ourselves, particularly against other people, but it can also be against some sort of standard that we demand of ourself, or that we feel that society expects of us.

So it's not just in material ways that we want more. We might want to be better, we want to be a better person. Or I want to have more friends on Facebook than someone else. Perhaps I want a higher grade of job. I want to be a professor instead of a lecturer in the university. I want to be a general and not just a lieutenant in the army.

In all sorts of ways, if we look around, we see that there is this comparison set up within the structure of society. And of course, it starts at an early age. School exams are essentially a relative competition. How do my grades compare with those of other students? So society certainly taps into this tendency for us to compare and to want more, more for ourself, better grades, higher pay, more prestige and status within society.

Perhaps I want more in my spiritual life. I want to be a better meditator. I want deeper experiences. Again, it's really a pattern in our psychology that gets applied in all areas of our life, consciously or unconsciously.

And it's particularly dangerous when we are comparing ourself with other people. Perhaps I see a spiritual master and I want more of what he has got. I'm comparing myself against him and putting him above me, and then I want what he has. But already in that comparison, I've told myself that I'm inferior. I've created a gulf between me and that other person. And that gulf is what Krishnamurti says is the cause of conflict.

And every time we compare ourselves to someone else, consciously or unconsciously, we are creating such a gulf, a separation, and perhaps subtly, we are setting ourself in an antagonistic position towards that other person: a sort of them and us mentality.

And it's strange, because part of our thinking mind might be in awe of the other person. Perhaps they are a great leader or a fantastic businessman. I know people who more or less worship Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, successful businessmen and innovators. But in that worshipping is also this separation. And underneath the apparently positive feeling of awe and admiration, there will probably, somewhere, perhaps suppressed in the unconscious, there will probably be a resentment, because he has it and I don't. He has more. I have less. And it's that festering resentment which is conflict.

And it doesn't have to be such a blatant comparison. It is quite common for us to take some rather dark pleasure in other people's misfortune. It's the same psychology at play. It's a comparison. They've had some bad luck. They've lost all their money, they've got sick, they've suffered some downfall, and I haven't. So now I have more. And a part of our psychology likes that: I have more. There may be another part of us that is feeling compassionate and wants to somehow help and support this person who's suffered a calamity. But here we're not looking into that positive part of our psychology. We're focussing on this other part that's not so spoken about, this dark element of our shadow that takes pleasure in other people's suffering. And of course, just in that mental attitude, there is a sense of conflict. It's as if a part of our mind is saying it's him or me, one of us has to suffer.

So this endless comparing oneself against other people, or even against some abstract standard of behaviour or lifestyle, this endless comparing is a real tragedy. Because of course, there's no end to it. It doesn't matter how much money I accumulate, there's almost certainly going to be someone else with more. It doesn't matter how beautiful a meditation experience I have, there'll be somebody else with more.

So whilst we compare ourselves in this way, although there may be moments of satisfaction, they will be fleeting, because on the whole, we will be always focussed on feeling deficient. And of course, this is what is underlying this behaviour. As I've pointed out in many of my teachings, there is a deep part of each individual psychology that feels himself or herself to be deficient, or inferior, or inadequate, unloveable, unimportant, not worthy. There's this great self doubt. And whilst this doubt is within us, we are almost bound to compare ourselves in this way.

And another element of it is the fact that we have this mental understanding of the world as composed of separate things, and the sense of I feels very separate. That's also needed for comparison to happen. Once one is feeling part of a whole with an individual, unique role to play, then no comparison is needed. And this is really my suggestion for how to go about moving beyond this psychology of more and comparing – is to find a sense of non separation. Only then really will the comparing cease. And of course, by becoming more whole within oneself, that sense of deficiency or inadequacy can also be healed.

So this is really the work we need to do, our homework. If we are to escape from this trap that Krishnamurti has so clearly highlighted: that we are measuring ourselves all the time against something or someone, and that that is one of the primary causes of conflict. It can come to an end. But first, we really have to see it. So a great thanks to Krishnamurti for pointing this out to us.