intimate touch

In the previous episode of this series on Mindfulness, I talked about listening mindfully, and how that can help in the way we relate to each other. In this episode, I want to talk about another example where our human relationships can be greatly enhanced by mindfulness. And this is with intimate touch.

If you are with an intimate partner, then it's quite natural to enjoy touch, touching the other. and being touched by your partner, physical touch. And to some extent, we are all naturally mindful when we are touching someone intimately. Bring some more away awareness to it. Next time you are in an intimate situation with someone, notice what happens when you touch them. Naturally, your thoughts will subside and your awareness will come to the touch sensations, perhaps in your fingertips and the feel of their skin as you touch it.

It's so pleasurable. We naturally become mindful in such moments. And we can enhance that even further by really bringing all our attention to the point of contact, physical contact with the other person. For example, if you are touching that person's arm with your fingertips, bring all your awareness into your fingertips, to the sensations in the fingertips. And you don't need to think about it in words. Of course, if the mind is habitually busy, some thoughts will come. And as always, just bring your awareness back to the physical sensation of touch, whenever you notice that you have been distracted by thoughts. If we practice in this way, our awareness, our attention can become very focussed.

And with that, we become more and more present. There is an energy in it. And it's very good to be touched in this way. Your partner will feel the energy in your fingertips, your presence there in the touch. And of course, it's beautiful if you have a loving touch – just warmth in your heart towards this person as your t touching them. Again, it doesn't need words. Words get in the way of real contact.

Touching with the fingertips is one example of intimate touch. Of course, there are many others. Kissing, for example. We naturally focus on the sensations. It's so delicious. We close our eyes and really bring the awareness to the lips, to the tongue. This is the way to kiss, with all the attention brought into the sensations at the points that we are making contact. It's delicious. And again, we can amplify this deliciousness by bringing more and more focussed attention into our lips as we kiss. And again, the other person will feel it. They will love to be kissed by you. This presence, this focussed attention, this mindfulness, is what really brings intensity and vitality to this sort of contact.

And it doesn't stop with kissing, of course. When making love, this is of even greater significance. One reason why almost everyone loves sex is that it naturally brings us into a state of mindfulness. The sensations are so pleasurable, we quite naturally bring all our awareness to them, to the genitals and other points of contact between the bodies. And if we practise this, practise bringing even more mindfulness to the act of sex, the energy involved in the sexual act will become more and more intense and more and more delightful. Our pleasure will increase, as will that of our partner. The orgasms will be more intense. Everything about the love making will be enhanced if we bring more mindfulness to it.

And after the love making, when we're in that state of blissful relaxation with each other, rather melting into one another, again, we don't need words. We can bring mindfulness to the touch sensations and to the bodily sensations within.

If we practise mindfulness in this way, our intimate relationships will be greatly enhanced, not just more pleasurable, but there will be a deeper sense of connection. And this is why it is a beautiful area of life to practice our mindfulness. It comes so naturally anyway with intimate touch. And it, again, like listening mindfully, when we touch someone mindfully, it is really nourishing the connection, the relationship that we have with that person.

Enough for now.