eye contact

In the last couple of episodes, in this series on Mindfulness, we've looked at ways we can practice mindfulness whilst relating to other people. And in this episode too, I want to talk about a little exercise that can be used to develop our mindfulness, and which also involves another person. And with this exercise, both you and the other are actively involved. So really, this is something to do with a friend or partner who is also interested in mindfulness. And it's a very simple exercise. It involves eye contact, prolonged eye contact.

In many cultures, there is not very much eye contact. And this is a pity. When we really look into each other's eyes, we can often feel each other in a way that is not possible without such eye contact. And in fact, that is why, in many cultures, we tend to avoid eye contact. We are really avoiding being seen by the other person. Oftentimes we have masks, a sort of image that we want to portray to the world. And we don't really want to be seen as we are. And with eye contact, it's almost as if we're being seen naked without those masks.

So with this exercise, you need to sit down facing your partner, your friend, and you should be quite close: a metre or less between you. And you simply sit in silence, looking into each other's eyes. A minute or two is enough, although you can carry on for longer if you prefer.

And as you as you are looking into the person's eyes, try to bring all your attention to the visual image, to your sight. And you might notice that your sight, your visual perception, becomes more intense. There's more focus, there's more energy involved. At the same time, it's more friendly to have a soft, loving attitude whilst carrying out this exercise.

If you really focus on your friend's eyes, you might well find that your thinking mind naturally becomes rather quiet. Not so many thoughts arise. Eye contact can give us such a strong feeling of connection and resonance, that our awareness can very easily drop into the body and into the sensations that come with that resonance with the other. And this is why I like eye contact, as a practice for mindfulness. For me, at least, the mind naturally becomes rather still when practising in this way.

And, as with the other exercises relating to other people, if we use this little exercise, it can improve the quality of our relationship. It can give us a deeper feeling of connection. And also, if we really feel seen and allow ourselves to be seen by the other, it can be very nurturing and healing, as long as the other person does not judge us. And of course, in this exercise, there's a symmetry to it. Both you and your partner are seeing the other and at the same time being seen.

As with the other exercises in mindfulness, if you find thoughts coming into your head, when you catch them, when you notice that your attention has moved on to your thoughts, bring it gently back to what you are looking at, back to the image that you are seeing of your friend's eyes. Really bring your focus there. It's almost as if your awareness moves out of your own body and into that person's eyes. That's why the resonance can be so strong.

Don't judge yourself about those thoughts. Thoughts pop up for all of us. And although a lot of the mindfulness practice is aimed at taking our attention off the thoughts, there's no need for us to condemn ourselves when thoughts arise. It's also a natural part of being human.

So if you have someone to work with in this way, to play with, then practice eye contact as a way of improving mindfulness, and also improving the quality of your relationship, your friendship with this other person.

Enough for now.