feeling unloveable

Here we will look at a few more variations on the deep self doubts that we human beings hold in our psychology.

One belief that can be there, one feeling, is that we are unwanted. This probably comes from birth or early childhood if our parents did not really want us. But whatever the source of this belief, whilst it is there in our mind, we will be struggling, struggling to make ourself wanted by other people, needed by other people. We will really have this need to be needed. We will be helping people the whole time. We will be loving it when someone is dependent upon us. For with that dependence, we at least can partially forget the feeling of being unwanted. Somebody now wants us, needs us even.

And of course if two such people meet each other, then co-dependence can arise: two people totally dependent on one another psychologically. They need each other. Usually they are totally miserable with each other, utterly unhappy in every way with their relationship, and yet they cannot end it because deep down they need to be needed.

So the feeling of being unwanted is one form of self doubt. And another flavour is a feeling of being unattractive. I am somehow ugly. I am unattractive. And then of course I try to compensate. I try to make myself attractive in a thousand and one ways – with my looks, with my clothes, with my lifestyle – and everything becomes a charade. Everything I do in life is to present an image, an image of attractiveness. It is a hopeless, endless game leading nowhere, and all because deep down I believe myself to be unattractive.

Yet another flavour is that I feel myself to be unloveable. This is a very common self doubt, deeply held by many people. I am unloveable, ahh, what agony. And to spend one’s life wanting to be loved and believing that it is impossible, struggling always, always in search of love, always wanting to be loved and yet not actually open to being loved, for deep down, one feels oneself to be unloveable. So even if love comes our way, we are somehow closed to it, we don’t see it, we don’t feel it. Or we push it away, reject it.

See the tragedy of these self doubts. See how much mayhem they cause in life: the great sorrow – endless ocean of sorrow – that stems from these self doubts.