continuity in time

Time is a rather strange phenomenon. We can build a machine, a clock, that measures the passing of time. So we can say there is some objective time, a physical time. But we also have a psychological sense of time, of time passing. And this psychological sense of time also allows us to have the feeling of something persisting in time: a feeling of continuity, of stability, of persistence. And from these feelings, the ego can again attach itself and grow, nourish itself. Indeed, the sense of oneself, the feeling of the self, the ego, this needs time to exist. In the moment, the present moment, there is nothing to hold onto. That holding on is something that happens in time. And the ego is all about holding on, holding on to anything: an idea, a concept, a relationship, a nationality, a race, a religion, a football club, a nice house, a good job. There are a thousand and one things and more that the ego can attach itself to. But for all of these, it needs time.

We need to have a feel that we are existing in time, continuously. I was alive yesterday. It is the same me alive today, and I will be alive tomorrow I hope. And we feel this life, this self, to be continuous in time, without gaps. And yet, in the depth of sleep, in the deepest part of sleep when no dreams are coming, we have no awareness and there is no consciousness of this self. No memories are being stored of those times. It is a gap in our existence, and the same if we lose consciousness. This stream of consciousness is actually interrupted, but because we have no memory of the interruptions, it feels continuous.

And so, our memory of yesterday is a huge part of the ego. And the projection into the future – with our hopes, our desires, our expectations for the future – this also is of the ego. And both the memories of the past and thoughts of the future give us the feeling that time is real in a way that it is not, because actually, our consciousness is only connected with this moment right now. The past is gone, and our memories of it are not an accurate record of what has been. Those memories are filtered, the colours changed, a simple incidence of yesterday overlaid with our complex emotions. All of this is in our memory of yesterday.

And our thoughts of tomorrow, what bearing have they on reality? Once in a while, the future may unfold as we predicted, but ninety-nine percent of the time, life takes a different course. And even in the one percent where we feel that we foresaw things correctly, in the detail there will be many things that we did not see at all, that we did not predict.

No, the past and future are not available to us. But the ego likes to think that they are. The ego can only exist with the past and the future, carrying something that in truth is finished, was over as soon as it began yesterday. But the ego carries it into tomorrow.

And all this, all this dwelling on the past and future takes us away from the truth of this moment, here and now, with its beauty, its sublime beauty: the stillness in the dancing leaves, the silence as the flies buzz around, and the great spaciousness of a cosy little intimate space. All of this is available to us in truth, right now in the moment. But we do not see it, for the ego needs time. It needs a yesterday and it needs a tomorrow. And though our memories and our desires may stir up emotions, sometimes pleasant, sometimes unpleasant, these memories and desires do not carry truth the way the present moment does.

So this dwelling in time is another great facet of the ego and one which we would do well to move away from, to come back to what is in the moment: now.