grey day

It's a grey day. The sky is completely covered with cloud, no hint of blue to be seen. Every now and again a light shower passes by.

And when the sky is grey like this, my mood becomes somber, melancholic. It's always been like that, as long as I can remember. And even knowing for myself, very well, the beauty of life, the joy of life, it doesn't change this. My mood is linked irrevocably to the weather. And when the sky is grey, my mood is grey too, and it colours the whole experience of the day. My thoughts are melancholic. My heart is sad. That vitality that is life, when it is flowing joyfully, is subdued in me.

This link, between the weather and my feel for the day, reminds me that I am not separate from the weather. I like to think that I am, of course. I am independent, and perhaps the weather is just influencing me a little. It's not so though. The weather and my mood are really two aspects of one: one inseparable whole. And when my mood is shining, so is the sun, and when my mood is downcast, the weather is grey.

We might like to put one as the cause and the other as the effect. In reality these two are co-arising, inseparable. And so it is that the feel of life – my feel for life – is bound up completely, inseparably, from the heavens. This is what I am being reminded of by this grey day.