not grasping

In today's episode of the attitudes series, I'll be talking about not grasping. And what do I mean by grasping? It means holding on to things a little bit too tightly.

Of course, in life, we sometimes have moments that we really enjoy. We discover a new food that we like the taste of. We find a new gadget that we enjoy using. We meet a new friend, perhaps an intimate friend, and we enjoy their company. and it's beautiful that we enjoy things in life. What tends to happen is that when we find something that we enjoy, we hold on to it, or at least try to hold on to it. If it's a fleeting moment, we want to repeat the moment. If it's a taste in the mouth, we want to repeat that taste. If it's connecting with a person, we want to establish a relationship, perhaps even an exclusive relationship. We want to hold on.

And this is grasping and there's a difficulty in it, at least from the spiritual perspective. When we try to hold on to things, we are trying to make life – which is fluid and changeable in its very nature – we're trying to solidify it. We're trying to make it rather fixed. And this is going against life. It's as if we're floating down a river and suddenly we want to stop, but the current of the river continues. So we have to start fighting the current in order to stay in that place. Life becomes a struggle, and also we live always with the fear that we're not going to be able to hold on.

So having a grasping attitude creates a continuous anxiety, which is, of course, unpleasant. It means we are at least at a low level, stressed, just by the need to keep holding on. This is the nature of grasping. And it also shows a lack of trust. It's as if we don't trust that other beautiful gifts will be given to us, if we let go of this particular delight.

So in this episode, I encourage you to try to develop an attitude of not grasping, enjoying moments, without the need to hold on to them, without the need to endlessly repeat them. It's like enjoying the breeze on your face. It's a beautiful sensation. And yet, if we try to hold on to the breeze, of course, it's no longer breeze. And this is another difficulty with grasping. The grasping attitude kills the essence of the thing that we were taking delight in.

You see this often in relationship, when people are holding on to each other too much, when they're grasping each other. This ugly codependency develops, where neither partner is really happy or fulfilled by the relationship, and yet neither partner can let go. The grasping itself has crushed the life out of the relationship.

So non-grasping is really a vital attitude if we are to continue to enjoy life. And particularly with the spiritual path, it is a critical attitude. Our spiritual journey is leading us back to the most fundamental part of our being, our very essence. And in the space of our essence, we are pure being, without needing to change anything, without needing to hold on to anything, without needing to reject things either. And to get to that place within us, we need to practice in whatever ways we can, particularly with this attitude of not grasping.

And how can we help develop this attitude? As usual, we start by noticing those moments where we are grasping, where we are holding on to something. It could be a relationship, it could be a job. It could be money. There are many different things that people hoard. This hoarding behaviour is also grasping. It's showing a great fear that there's a lack of abundance.

So, firstly, we need to notice when we are hoarding things or grasping something. And when we notice that, we can really look into it deeply. Notice the sensations in the body, the grasping of something in life is reflected by a perhaps subtle constriction in the body. It's as if we're holding on with our muscles. Everything's a little bit tense. So one can take a look, see if one can notice these physiological aspects of grasping.

And then, of course, one can also take a look at any fears there might be. Do I fear that without this money, I won't be able to feed myself? Do I fear that without this relationship, nobody will love me? We can take a look at the fears. The fears are really sustaining this grasping attitude. So it's worth digging around a little to try to bring those fears into the light, into the light of awareness.

And then the main thing is to consciously take the decision not to grasp. If you are hoarding money, try giving some of it away. If you are being overly possessive in a relationship, try giving your partner more freedom. In whatever areas of life you notice yourself grasping, try letting go, perhaps little by little. Bring as much awareness as possible to the whole situation, your emotions, your fears, your resistance to letting go. And also, notice once you have let go, what is the feeling? What's the sensation in your body? Probably that constriction has gone. You might feel lighter. You might feel more free. And noticing these positive aspects of not grasping will help make it easier not to grasp in the first place.