honesty

In this episode of the series on attitudes, I'm going to talk about being honest. And by this, I don't really mean so much just not telling lies to other people, blatant lies. I mean a more subtle level of honesty, and that is with oneself.

Normally, most of us are deceiving ourselves in subtle ways, all day long. We tell ourself a little story, and in a way, it's a comfort blanket. We blame somebody else when we're not feeling happy. Or we imagine ourself to be more important than we really are. Or perhaps the deception goes in the opposite direction: that we are sorry for ourself, feeling like we're not good enough, and coming up with all sorts of evidence for that. The evidence, though, is drummed up out of thin air. It's dishonest.

And this is what I mean about being honest. It's dropping all this. All the little post hoc rationalisations for our behaviours, for our actions. This is happening all the time. It's very common. We want to do something. Instead of just saying, "I want to do it", we have to justify it to ourself. And then typically to everyone else, around us as well. We protest too much.

There are so many ways in which we are dishonest with our ourself. And usually we're not even aware that we're being dishonest with ourself. And this sort of subtle dishonesty, although it's very common in society, within the individual and also in the way people relate to each other, although it's very common, it's an obstacle to our spiritual growth.

And that obstacle can pop up in one of two ways, really. One way is that through dishonesty, we start imagining ourself to be in some special state, or somehow more spiritual than other people. We have a sort of tendency to self aggrandisement, to making oneself grand. That's one possible way that this dishonesty shows up on our spiritual journey.

However, even more common than that is the opposite, this feeling of being small, incapable, a failure. Why am I not enlightened? What am I doing wrong? Moaning and groaning and feeling that one is somehow fundamentally incapable of spiritual growth, or of enlightenment. This is also a story that we're telling ourself. 

Both of these flavours, although they're in opposite directions, they are equally harmful to our spirituality. One way of looking at the spiritual journey is that it's a clearing away of illusion. And by illusion, we really mean all these little ways in which we are dishonest with ourself.

 

So that's why honesty, honesty with oneself, is really fundamental to the spiritual journey. To thine own self be true, to quote Shakespeare. And if we are true with ourself, if we are honest with ourself, then quite naturally we will find ourselves being honest with others. The way we regard ourself and the way we behave towards ourself, reflects in the way we treat other people.

So both for our human interactions and our own inner spiritual growth, it's very important that we become honest. To develop an honest attitude, first of all, it takes a sort of commitment to the truth. Feel that: that it's more important that we acknowledge the truth than that we feel comfortable, or that we tell ourselves a story that makes us feel good. There's a sort of rawness in sitting with the truth as it is. And that rawness can be uncomfortable at times. So first of all, we need to make that commitment to ourself – that the truth is more important than comfort comfortable lies.

And with that sort of commitment in mind, we then need to start bringing awareness to the ways in which we are deceiving ourself. You can also look at the times that you are deceiving other people. And you will know them well, the little white lies, or the things you say in order to manipulate someone, in order to get them to do what you want, behave the way you want. So it's quite easy to spot when talking to or relating with another person. And that can be a good place to start. And when you see yourself being dishonest with another, try stopping yourself there and then and admitting to the other person what's going on. They may be a little shocked to begin with, but they will feel they can trust you afterwards. Because although honesty is rather rare in society, we do actually value it in each other.

And then with yourself, it's very important to start catching some of the moments when you are deceiving yourself. Particularly if you are drumming up a reason for some behaviour of your own. When you want to do something, try admitting, you just want to do it. You don't need a reason. It's much more honest than then creating a reason for that action. That made up reason is dishonest. It might be plausible, it might be a useful cover story to tell someone else if you're feeling a bit awkward about the action, if you're feeling a bit embarrassed. Of course, we all naturally want to explain ourself to others in those moments. But much better to look at why you're feeling embarrassed or awkward and sit without that for a bit.

So just look at some of these stories you tell yourself, maybe to feel a bit better about yourself, or maybe to reinforce your negative self image, to keep yourself feeling small and inadequate. Have a look inside yourself and try and catch some of those moments and simply see that they are made up, that they are dishonest.

With this sort of awareness, one can come to live a more honest life. And it will be a less cluttered mental world. There's a simplicity in honesty, because it doesn't need fabricated stories for everything. And this simplicity is also a part of our spiritual being.

So I urge you to try being more honest. It will pay great dividends. in terms of spiritual growth.