being total

In this episode of the series on attitudes, I'm going to talk about being total. Normally, most of us are rather half-hearted. Even when we want something, we only half want it, really. There's usually another voice in our head, suggesting that we don't want it, or that it's inappropriate or unavailable. There's always a but there waiting to jump in.

And this half-hearted way of being is in line with our relativistic world. Everything is relative. This is a bit better than that.  That house is a little bit bigger than this one. It's all relative. All our truths these days seem to be relative. But our spiritual journey is about finding the absolute. And that's a different game altogether.

And to find the absolute, to come upon it, to realise – that is to make real – the absolute within us, to return to being a part of the absolute, the absolute whole, all of this is the spiritual journey. And it takes, at times, an absolute resolve. It requires us to be total. If we want to become enlightened in a half-hearted way, it simply won't happen.

If we want to surrender to God, but really hold on to something of our sovereignty, of our sense of a separate self, if we have these caveats, qualifiers, extra clauses we want to put in the contract, then we're not being total. And we won't get far with our spiritual journey.

The absolute demands us to be total. What does this mean in practice? It means that we have to be clear that our spiritual life is the most important part of our life, more important than work and money and relationships and material objects, more important than a feeling of safety, security, comfort. It has to be number one very clearly.

And it means when we decide to do something, we decide totally. Once the decision is made, there's a commitment there. It's a commitment in the moment, but that commitment is this feeling of totality. The decision has arisen. So being total simply means that whenever we act, we are acting with one hundred percent of our being. We have dedicated ourselves in that moment to that action.

And it's a beautiful way to move in the world. It gives the moment itself, a feeling of intensity and of wholeness. We are not holding back, so we are really a part of the moment. We are not separate from the moment. This is why being total is a requirement. That totality allows us to merge with the moment.

In fact, we are not separate from the moment. We are, in truth, merged with the whole of existence. Normally, though, we're not experiencing this, we're not feeling this, we're denying it. And the part that is denying it is our lack of totality, our fragmentation, our ifs and buts and conditions. To really feel the moment, the way it is, to live reality, to be the moment, we cannot afford to be fragmented. We need to be integrated within ourself.

And that's another way of looking at totality. Being total is to be integrated, not being pulled in different directions by conflicting ideas in the mind. So being total is absolutely required to meet the absolute.

And how to develop totality, how to encourage oneself to be total? One way is to really pay attention when some decision is arising within one. When you're thinking about what to do, it could be a small thing: where to eat lunch, or it could be a big thing: which country do I want to live in? It doesn't matter, doesn't make any difference. Whenever your mind is considering something, just notice how it's wavering between two or more possibilities. The thinking mind is designed to work that way, and it has its place. The point is that when the pros and cons settle down and a decision arises, at that moment, at that moment, when one needs to bring all one's energy behind that decision. Yes, I'm going to go to the cafe for lunch. And feel oneself really becoming that decision, as if all one's energy has now moved into that decision. And then act from that space. Act from the space where the other possibilities no longer even exist.

It can be done with practice. You might use a little visualisation in that moment. You might imagine energy flowing like a liquid or a light in your body, congregating, gathering at a single point, perhaps in your head or in your heart, or further down in your belly, whatever feels right for you. Take a moment to visualise this coming together. And having gathered oneself in this way, into a single point, then allow action to flow from this feeling of of integration, from this feeling of totality.