acceptance

Acceptance is the attitude that I will talk about in this episode.

When we use the word acceptance, it implies, of course, that a part of us is resisting something, that we don't like something that's happened or some situation. We would rather things were other than they are.

And our human mind is so good at imagining alternatives. It's brilliantly creative. And that has its beauty, of course. The difficulty is that we can easily get caught in an attitude of discontent. Almost whatever is happening in our life or in the moment, we can imagine things to be better. And of course, living in an almost persistent state of discontentment doesn't really make for a happy life. And with that dissatisfaction at the way things are, we are always struggling against life, fighting against it, making effort, trying to change things. It's a very effortful way of being in the world.

So on the spiritual journey, we learn to take a different approach. We develop an attitude of acceptance, acceptance in the moment. Whatever is happening right now, accepting it, not fighting against it. This acceptance is a relaxation. It's a letting go of the need to control things. It's an ending of the dissatisfaction and the struggle, all that effort. That's why it's a relaxation. And relaxation is the way we finally reach our buddha nature.

Our buddha nature has the quality of equanimity. It's not judging things as good and bad. And one way to approach that equanimity is through acceptance. Acceptance, in a way, is setting aside our judgement of something being bad. It's undermining the energy that we're putting into judgement. In another episode, we considered being non-judgemental, and that really relates strongly to this attitude of acceptance.

So how to develop acceptance? How to adopt an accepting attitude in life? As with all these attitudes, it's day-to-day situations that shows us when the attitude is lacking. Those situations are also, though, the opportunity for us to learn and to grow, in this case to become more accepting.

So to try and become more accepting, start by noticing when you are rejecting something that is happening. You're probably feeling angry in that moment, annoyed. Sometimes it may be that that rejection leads to us acting in a way that does change the situation. But oftentimes we're not in control anyway. There's a traffic jam and we are stuck in it. We feel frustrated, irritated, even angry. But we're not in control of that situation. So it's much health healthier in that moment to accept it.

You can see when that annoyance is arising, especially in these situations where we are not in control. When one notices that, one can take a a few deep breaths and contemplate the fact that we're not in control. This is something that's happening, whether we like it or not. We can actively contemplate how much happier we would be if we can just accept the situation.

And another thing that one can do in these situations, which will help develop acceptance, is to look for something good in the moment. For example, if one's stuck in a traffic jam, it's an opportunity to look around and see something that one hasn't noticed before. Perhaps there's a butterfly floating past. Perhaps there's wind in the trees and they're swaying elegantly. There's usually something beautiful within sight or sound.

So when we are feeling frustrated or stuck in some way, it can be an opportunity to enjoy the moment in a different way. And with that we can, not only accept the situation, we can even see some good in it. It's a little gift to us.

The main way, though, to develop more of an accepting attitude, is to see how miserable life is when we're fighting against everything, when we're discontent with everything. Just seeing how much more content we are when we are accepting things – this is the best way to develop this attitude of acceptance.